Friday, March 22, 2013

32 weeks! 4 pound babies!

When I wake tomorrow morning I will officially be 32 weeks pregnant with my monoamniotic/monochorionic twins. This has been the goal since we first learned about our precarious pregnancy in early November. To make it to late March, to survive all the gut-wrenching ultrasounds when we didn't know if there would still be two hearts beating, to get through six weeks of hospitalization with close monitoring, to survive my separation from Riley and Neil and my home, all seemed nearly impossible in November. But here we are. We've almost made it.

According to the most recent estimate, both babies are nearly 4 pounds (1800 grams). Hopefully by the time they are born Tuesday morning, they will have packed on a few more grams. This weight exceeds the goal I had of 1500 grams by the time the babies are born. Apparently all the protein I have been choking down has made a difference. And I am sure my nightly ice cream habit that lasted all of December and most of January had to help, too.

I am getting really excited to meet these baby girls. In fact, it seems that most of the staff at the hospital are excited to meet them too. I have really grown to love most of the midwives here. I know some better than others, but they are all fairly fantastic. I feel incredibly fortunate.

The head doctor of the whole maternity department will be doing my c-section along with the amazing doctor who has been doing our twice-weekly ultrasounds since I checked in. We just learned that she doubles as a labor and delivery doctor. I trust and feel good about both doctors. I suppose having a super-rare pregnancy has some benefits, one of them being high level professionals want to be involved in my care.

At this point I would really like to fast forward the next few days, go right past my operation and stop at the point when I get to meet my babies. We don't know how they will be doing, or how soon we will be able to hold them, but hopefully they will be strong and healthy from the start.

 A lot of friends and family have been remarking on how very strong we seem. (We being me, Neil, Riley and my mom). I will not dispute that. This experience has certainly tested my strength and the strength of my family and we are holding up really well. But I would like to confess to some imperfection. Finding the strength to get through this has not been easy and I have not always been a model of positivity and serenity. I spent much of November and the bulk of December watching every stupid romantic comedy on Danish Netflix and playing Plants vs. Zombies on my iPad. I was hiding. I am not proud of this, but it definitely helped me get through. I have not always been as nice as I should have been to my mom or to Neil. I am sure a large part of the reason for my lack of niceness was a need to release some of the stress I have been feeling, but it was unfair of me to release it in that way.

I am pointing these things out because I do not want to paint too rosy a picture of myself during this time. There was lots of crying in the beginning and many an asked but unanswered "Why me?"  The point being, it took a while to find this strength that I now seem to have, it hasn't been easy and I have not always been the best version of myself. I am hopeful that I can maintain my strength and improve upon it as we head towards the NICU chapter of this journey.

Thanks again for all the positive thoughts and kind words. Please keep it up as we head toward Tuesday. Lots of milestones yet to reach, but it is looking good. 

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